It is no secret that children hate shots. In fact, on the list of scariest things of childhood, shots probably rank in the top five, up there with darkness and leftovers. What may be a secret, though, is that as much as children hate shots, it turns out parents may hate them as much or more. After my wife came back from the nationalized baby service in Israel (‘Tipat Chalav’, ‘A drop of Milk’), which checks on babies monthly and ensures they receive their vaccinations, she told me she joked with the lady there after Naomi received her shots, ‘next time, I am sending my husband’. My inner response came unexpectedly. Rather than dismiss my wife’s sensitivities, I shuddered at the thought of having to go, and it even produced a visceral reaction of displeasure, and this despite the fact that my wife related to this ‘threat’ as a joke. How could this be? Intellectually, it is clear that my baby is getting the best, most loving treatment in the world. A serum that has the capacity to safeguard her life time and again; I should jump at the opportunity to play the hero! Yet, such is life. Intellectualism is not a panacea for emotional pains. Those remain real no matter what the circumstances. And more importantly, those people who are closest to us have the greatest capacity to impact on our emotional well being through their pain and their actions even when seemingly insignificant.
With this latter idea, we can begin to understand the idea of a counting and the gravity of the Golden Calf from this week’s Torah portion. When G-d told Moses to count the Jews, He uses a very interesting language, ‘When you take a census of the Children Israel for their count and they will give an atonement for their souls...’[1] The language of ‘take a census’ is the name of the portion, ‘ci sisa’, כי תשא, which literally means when ‘you raise up’, and which Rashi understands to mean a ‘kaballah or reception’. These are all one idea, though, because any person who has done squats in a gym knows that prior to raising the bar, a person needs to first receive the burden on his shoulders and bend his knees.[2] As an aside, this is why the word for Marriage is ‘nesuin, נשואין’ from the word of נשא, or ‘to raise’. A proper marriage works on the basis that each person commits to receiving the burden of the other person with the intention to lift the other person to greater heights. And this is connected to the idea of a count; people count things that are important and close to them, things they want to receive and raise. This count, therefore, was a sign that the Jews were close to G-d, and this special relationship to G-d is also what raised them.
However, this special height has a down side, and a large one at that- the greater the heights the greater the repercussions of a fall, and consequently, the more exactitude a person must exert at those heights.[3] And this is intuitive. The higher a person climbs a ladder the more careful he becomes with each rung as the ladder become progressively less stable. This will help explain the Golden Calf, perhaps, the most misunderstood event in Jewish history. From the outside, the entire Jewish nation worshipped an idol right after a mass revelation, which calls into the question the nature of the mass revelation. For if the mass revelation were so great, what were the Jews doing worshipping a Golden Calf shortly thereafter? So obviously, that is not what happened.[4] Only ½ of a percent of the Jews were guilty of the Golden calf, and the guilt had nothing to do with idol worship.[5] The intention of the guilty parties was to worship the same G-d that had been revealed to them. But, since they thought that Moses had died on Mount Sinai given that forty days and forty nights without food and water is not a classically survivable feat, therefore, a few decided to create a new channel with which to concentrate their spiritual energy towards G-d. What they transgressed was the prohibition to create an unsanctioned image. In other words, the Jews took their religion into their own hands, and using their minds, made a change that they thought was best for their religion according to the time. This theme is a familiar one that has occurred through history. But, the reason why the Torah describes the event as if national idol worship had occurred is because of the original idea. A close relationship, especially an uplifting one, magnifies events. That is why a small shot to a child could shake a parent emotionally to a great degree, or a small lie between husband and wife could impair the relationship for years, or a small misstep by the Jewish people could create a great chasm between them and G-d. Relationships that are high are the most delicate.
[1] Shemos 30:11
[2] See Maharal Gur Aryieh on the first verse for an in depth look at this concept.
[3] So close and high is the Jews closeness to G-d, that the name Israel Israel
[4] For a full explanation of the sin of the Golden Calf that follows See Kuzari 1:97
[5] Shemos 32: 29
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