Made famous by Ponce de Leon’s thorough search for the fountain of youth in Florida, and originating in Greek mythology (please see Wikipedia for a more thorough history), there still is a deep yearning within all of us to find a fountain of youth- an elixir that guarantees long life. Contrary to popular belief such an elixir does exist, and not only that, everyone can get it. Even more incredulous, it does not cost a penny. Poor old Ponce could have stayed in Puerto Rico and saved himself lots of trouble!
If we turn to page 28a of the Talmudic trachtate Megilla, the location for the fountain of youth is disclosed: The students of Rabbi Nechunia the son of Kanna asked ‘how did you merit a long life?’ ‘I never honored myself at the expense of another, nor have I taken a curse of a fellow man with me to sleep, and I have not been exacting with money’. These types of actions are the ‘elixir’ that leads to longevity. On the face of it, these are all great things, but why are these greater than the myriad of other virtues?
Let’s take elixir one- to worry about the honor of a friend. Honor is called ‘cavod’ in Hebrew. Strangely enough, the word for heavy in Hebrew has the same root, ‘caved’. Heaviness is based on density, or in other words, the internality of an object is what gives it weight. Therefore, the connection is clear; honor is a derivative of internality. Now, in every person there is something very heavy inside, we call it the breath of G-d.[1] To the extent that ‘heaviness’ is revealed is the extent that we honor someone. That being said, there is an aspect that is inherent. Since everyone actually is ‘heavy’, as we are created in the image of G-d, we all deserve incredible honor. And that honor serves as the fuel that creates life. Which begs the question, what is life?
Real life is actualization-taking potential and realizing it. That movement is what we call life. For example, the Talmud calls a person that has no children ‘dead’[2]. Why? Because the person was not able to take that incredible potential to have kids out to action. If we go back to honor, our true potential is rooted in that internal heaviness, and it is our job to bring it out to action. And honor from other people is the fuel that we need to constantly remind ourselves that we have something great to offer to the world. Then, the second step is to provide the necessary vessels for the other person to bring out the potential. By doing so, we create life in another person as they actualize their potential. First, the honor helps them recognize their greatness and the second step helps them bring it out- life! Further, the numerical value of ‘cavod’ is 32, the same as ‘lev’ or heart and the heart is what gives life to our extremities. Not surprisingly, the reward fits perfectly. Give life to another, and then you yourself get life.
Now, the place where life is most dramatically given is through parenting. Not only in the physical creation of a child, but in the spiritual creation. It is unclear what a baby understands. She seems to wander around the world curiously, yet aimlessly. And her main tool of exploration, unfortunately, is the mouth, and based on what tends to go in there, it is not clear how much is understood. But what is clearly understood is honor. If she is playing with something dangerous and I take it away without explanation, she cries as I’ve dishonored her. However, if I take the dangerous object away with explanation, she is unperturbed. Why the difference? She sees that I am honoring her, even if she does not understand what I am saying. And honor is what gives life to another person. Not surprisingly, because honor is the source for life, people seek it out to an extreme degree (See this week’s parsha Korach). The trick is that the best way to receive the honor so desired is to impart it on another.
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