All tied up

                Life is different at two years old; the child moves from needy infant to cunning toddler.  They learn the tricks of the parent swindling trade- how they can get what they want.  Perhaps it is overemphasized, but in the beginning, we like our kids to be polite. One of the lessons drummed into their developing brains is to say, ‘please.’  And we are so happy when they say it that we usually accede to the wish even if candy is on the line.  By two years old, the child learns that the word ‘please’ is the ticket to just about anything, especially, if they open their eyes really wide when they say it. What does the word please mean and why is it ingrained in our lexicon?

                The etymology of the word please is from the latin word‘placere’- to be acceptable.  In Spanish, it literally means, ‘for a favor’.  When we say please prior to a request, the depth of it is two-fold.  One is an acknowledgement that the other person is in control and you hope the request will be granted.  Secondly, the person making the request asks for the fulfillment of the request even if he does not deserve it.  This teaches a youngster two fundamental tools for life. They are not always in control and humility- they don’t always deserve what they get.  The irony is that giving up control and admitting the lack of merit is the ticket to acquisition and polite social behavior.

                The Jewish concept of prayer works along the same lines.  The major problem with prayer is that people don’t understand both why we need it and why G-d needs it.  G-d needs our praises, thanks, and requests! He is secure, confident, and all-knowing to say the least.  He knows what we need and whether we deserve it and so do we.   However, the process of prayer is the process of saying please.  It puts into perspective for US who we are and who.  Prayer is called service, or avodah.  We literally make our self into a servant, or in other words, we make our self into a person who has given up control, and so we ask, if it is acceptable to you (the owner in control) to have the following things even if we do not deserve it.  

                Literally, the word prayer, tefillah, comes from the word of request, but it also is related to the word, tied up.  A knot is something that is wound up in itself and there is no connection to anything outside of itself.  The process of prayer is to loosen the knot and make it straight. Now it can connect to something outside of itself.  Therefore, prayer takes a person who is tied up in himself and thinks he can take according to his needs and straightens him out so that he recognizes who is ultimately in control.  And then, with the please in place, the request is much more likely to be granted, though hard as it is, even the parent with the cute and polite daughter needs to say no sometimes.