Measure of a man

Over two billion dollars was spent in advertising for this year’s election.  That could have been reduced by ten-fold, at least.  There are two aspects in choosing a candidate: what policies does he stand for and can I trust him, is he a good man.  For the first part of the equation, we can’t avoid the advertising campaigns and debates – each voter needs to know how the candidate plans to run the country.  However, to know who we could trust could be made easier without all the slanderous ads.  All we would need is a few minutes of camera time between a candidate and his family, of course when no one is looking. 

                The foundation for this rests on a strange description of Abraham’s greatness. [1]  It says in proverbs that one who pursues charity and loving kindness will find life, charity, and honor (not a bad trade off).[2]  A deeper source explains that the quintessential example of loving kindness is Abraham’s burial of his wife Sara.[3]  There are two major problems with this: any local yodel will bury his wife and Abraham, the paragon of loving kindness, had better chessed highlights than this obvious deed.  What is unique about this particular chessed that ranks it among the finest?

                There is a reality in man- at times buried underneath countless layers of ego- that he needs to give to be fulfilled.  The famous saying goes, ‘more than what a wealthy person does with the poor, a poor person does with the wealthy person.’ [4] That is also why poor people exist in the world so that other people can have the privilege to take care of them.  However, there are inherent problems with giving.  When a poor person receives, he is embarrassed as everyone is slightly ashamed to receive a free handout.   And also, the receiver is now indebted to the giver, which creates an uneven power structure.  Therefore, the situation is great for the giver, but less so for the receiver. 

                To correct the situation, the best giving is done when the receiver is not shamed and does not feel indebted.  There are two primary situations for that. One is with a dead person. The dead feel no shame and cannot repay debts. Another forum to develop the perfect chessed (giving) is with family.  Why?  Because there is less shame when giving to family in that family is a part of you, and giving to yourself is no shame at all.  The ultimate expression, then, of giving to family is with a wife because she is considered to be part of her husband completely-אישתו כגופו.  Therefore, giving to a wife is a near perfect giving because the receiver is left unharmed.

                This answers the question about Abraham.  The burial of his wife had both the advantage of a dead person and the advantage of a wife.  Therefore, it was the highest level of giving a person could have- no shame and no debt on the receivers end.  And it also why we can learn about our candidates.  Do they really know how to give?  Outside the family, giving creates a power structure that is appealing to the giver.   Within the family, the external glory of giving is lost, which makes it the greatest test for how much a person is real about his giving and how much is just for show. 

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[1] Or Tzafon 162  Nesivos Chessed

[2] Proverbs 21:21

[3] Bereishis Rabbah 58:9

[4] Yalkut Shimoni Ruth ב

All tied up

                Life is different at two years old; the child moves from needy infant to cunning toddler.  They learn the tricks of the parent swindling trade- how they can get what they want.  Perhaps it is overemphasized, but in the beginning, we like our kids to be polite. One of the lessons drummed into their developing brains is to say, ‘please.’  And we are so happy when they say it that we usually accede to the wish even if candy is on the line.  By two years old, the child learns that the word ‘please’ is the ticket to just about anything, especially, if they open their eyes really wide when they say it. What does the word please mean and why is it ingrained in our lexicon?

                The etymology of the word please is from the latin word‘placere’- to be acceptable.  In Spanish, it literally means, ‘for a favor’.  When we say please prior to a request, the depth of it is two-fold.  One is an acknowledgement that the other person is in control and you hope the request will be granted.  Secondly, the person making the request asks for the fulfillment of the request even if he does not deserve it.  This teaches a youngster two fundamental tools for life. They are not always in control and humility- they don’t always deserve what they get.  The irony is that giving up control and admitting the lack of merit is the ticket to acquisition and polite social behavior.

                The Jewish concept of prayer works along the same lines.  The major problem with prayer is that people don’t understand both why we need it and why G-d needs it.  G-d needs our praises, thanks, and requests! He is secure, confident, and all-knowing to say the least.  He knows what we need and whether we deserve it and so do we.   However, the process of prayer is the process of saying please.  It puts into perspective for US who we are and who.  Prayer is called service, or avodah.  We literally make our self into a servant, or in other words, we make our self into a person who has given up control, and so we ask, if it is acceptable to you (the owner in control) to have the following things even if we do not deserve it.  

                Literally, the word prayer, tefillah, comes from the word of request, but it also is related to the word, tied up.  A knot is something that is wound up in itself and there is no connection to anything outside of itself.  The process of prayer is to loosen the knot and make it straight. Now it can connect to something outside of itself.  Therefore, prayer takes a person who is tied up in himself and thinks he can take according to his needs and straightens him out so that he recognizes who is ultimately in control.  And then, with the please in place, the request is much more likely to be granted, though hard as it is, even the parent with the cute and polite daughter needs to say no sometimes. 

Where is God?

The Russian cosmonaut, Yuri Gregarin, is alleged to have quipped upon reaching outer space, ‘I looked and looked but didn’t see G-d’[1].  Well, he looked in the wrong place and wasted loads of fuel in the process.   But, if G-d is not floating in the majesty of outer space, where could He be?  

                One nuance in an easily overlooked verse tells us where to find G-d.  As always, this is for those interested enough to look for Him.[2]  It says in verse 17:22, ‘And G-d finished speaking to Abraham and G-d went up from upon Abraham’.  Sounds heavy, but these two words give away the secret.  The verse should have said that G-d went up from Abraham.  They were having a conversation, and when they were done they went their separate ways.[3] But the way the verse literally reads, G-d was on top of Abraham. Our medieval teacher Rashi brings mystical wisdom to the rescue,’…we learn from here that the righteous people are the chariot of G-d’. 

                There is no need to go to outer space in search of G-d.  There is a simpler way to find G-d.  He resides with those people that emulate him, and the only challenge now is to find those people who are, unfortunately, few and far between.  When we act in a way that befits a sublime being, people recognize that there is G-dliness behind everything. And, more than that, G-d’s presence goes out of hiding and is given a place to dwell in the world. When people complain that how can we believe in a G-d we can’t see or interact with, the answer is that we can.  However, we don’t have enough divine representatives around today to facilitate the interaction. 

                This is supported by real life stories. More than any philosophical proof, the people who leave the fold are those who were negatively influenced by a person who purported to represent G-d, but did just the opposite.  On the other hand, those who have joined the fold are there in large part by the people they have met along the way. They see people sleeping four hours a night, fueled by an inner passion and joy that bespeaks of the divine.  Obviously, the Torah itself has an inescapable depth that even a skeptic has to admit.  But when it is lived properly, even the skeptic has to rest his case because that is when they meet the divine itself.  

               

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[1] Others claim it was a fabricated quote by anti-religious Russian propaganda

[2] And I don’t recommend looking only at times of desperate need because people don’t appreciate being used; people want a real relationship based on mutual respect and love, so too G-d, though if you just can’t help it, He is forgiving enough to overlook this oversight at times of crisis

[3] Again, G-d is obviously transcendental and infinite and never goes anywhere. But in His relationship with us, He constricts himself so that we can relate to him. So all of this is from our limited perspective but does not reflect reality. 

The opening Scene

            There is rare disorder called congenital analgesia.  Really, it should be every person’s dream to contract the disease.  It is a disorder that takes away the sensation of physical pain. Many people are scarred by physical trauma that happens to them and it can take years to heal from such wounds.  But, it turns out that pain is an indispensable part of a human being.  Sufferers of this disease live shorter lives because pain is used in the body as a tool to signal danger.  Therefore, without signals, the people with the disease, especially as children, get in to many dangerous situations that can cost their limbs and life.  So while they may not suffer physical pain, there is no lack of tragedy to their condition, and if asked, they would probably tell you they prefer some pain.

            What we just discussed is that pain is a crucial part to normal function.  Rather than a foe, pain can be our most trusted friend.  But it is much deeper than that.  There is a type of pain that defines humanity more than any other-shame.  Right after woman was individualized and separated from man, the Torah’s first description of the internal state of man is that ‘they were both naked, but they were not ashamed’.[1]  Of all the descriptions we could have ascribed to man in the opening scene, it chooses a negative description; he was not something.  Not only that, is shame the most important thing to tell us about man?  Tell me he was really happy to finally have a wife, or tell me about the love he felt at that moment. Why is shame, or lack thereof, the fundamental snapshot that tells us about what man is all about?

            Shame is a strange pain because it is spiritual.  We are wired to have a gauge of spiritual progress. When we meet our spiritual standard, we feel great.  If we don’t, we feel a strange pain called shame.  Shame is the proof that by man the physical world finally met the spiritual one.  They were now going to be interwoven and their destinies tied.  Not surprisingly, the face is the canvas for this pain.  Our face reveals our inside (in fact, the word face in Hebrew, פנים, means inside) more than any other part of our body and that is why it carries the physical manifestation of the pain.  

            The Talmud states that a person who embarrasses, ‘or whitens the face’ of another it is like he killed him. It sounds like hyperbole in order to scare children into following a nice moral lesson.   But it really isn’t.  Death is the process of destroying a body to a point where it can no longer house a soul, and therefore, they disconnect.  Shame is destroying the dignity of a soul and so it temporary leaves the body- it is the same disconnection.   

            Perhaps, the biggest ailment to the world is that this pain is nearly extinguished.  This pain is too difficult to deal with for most, and so it is better left numbed. The problem is that shame is our fuel to grow.  Through the pain of knowing what we could be, we strive.  That is why it is the most important attribute to man.  The first thing to know about man is that he was the first creation that could connect the spiritual and physical world and that his goal in life is to reach his spiritual potential on pain of shame.

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[1] Based on Rabbi Lopiansky Bereishes

[2] Genesis 2:25

A fragile existence

               

               Things that are brittle are easy to break.  They are inflexible; therefore, if the environment exerts enough pressure to move it out of its narrow range of motion, it breaks.    Similarly, in a person, being set in one’s ways is a dangerous proposition in a variegated environment.  If the environment is no longer suited to that way of being, then a person ‘breaks’.   To become strong requires the ability to adjust and that is one of the central messages of the Sukkah.

                For seven days the Talmud says, ‘get out from your fixed dwelling and dwell in an impermanent one’.  If you do so, you will gain tremendous strength.  It is strength through flexibility.  Among the many ideas behind the Sukkah, the idea of impermanence can apply to a person’s character.  Get unstuck from a fixed way of acting and learn to be impermanent, or in other words, learn to use more than one way- expand your repertoire.

                Mystically, the Sukkah is related to our forefather Yaakov.  He is the only forefather to have dwelled in the Sukkah.  Why is Yaakov the forefather that is intimately linked to a Sukkah? Because he represents truth, and truth is an amalgamation of both right and left, spiritual and physical, love and justice.  He is able to shift according to the correct way to be given the environment.  And when someone is able to accomplish that, he can never break because he is always in resonance with what is happening around him.  

               It is an ironic world.  From the outside, the Torah seems to be a rigid cage of iron clad rules. From the inside, the whole goal is the opposite- to be internally pliable, to free our self from a set way of looking at the world.  As an important aside, the process of Talmudic learning is the ultimate training ground for this goal.  It deals with intellectual flexibility, and learning to see other perspectives.  As we get to Sukkos, we kick our self out of the house and learn to be internally diverse.  Things can always change and we need to be ready to change with it.      

Developing intolerance and Time travel

At the heart of the Yom Kippur service is confession, and behind the confession is serious intolerance.  Over and over again, ten times, we confess out loud that we sinned.  The weirdness of it is that there is no Rabbi sitting across from us, and G-d definitely knows what we did or didn’t do, so no use telling him; the confessions seems to be to our self.  But how does that help?  We also  know what mistakes we made so how does speaking it out achieve anything? 

The reason is because we are inclined to be very tolerant of our self.  When we make a mistake, there is a tidy excuse that explains everything. In every situation, we view our self as essentially good, but in certain situations, we were pressured or stressed and made an uncharacteristic mistake.[1]  With others, we are not so tolerant.  When others are late or cranky, we chalk them up as people with serious issues and hearts of stone.  It takes much more effort to say they are great people who made temporary errors.  But that is what we should be doing. Increasing our tolerance for others and decreasing the tolerance for our self.  The point of confession is to identify and admit our short comings.  The word confession, ודוי is related to the word ודאי, or certain.  Our mistakes are real.  No, we are not amazing people who made uncharacteristic mistakes every once in a while. We are decent people who make characteristic mistakes all the time, and that is intolerable. But, this point is difficult to do. Admitting failure and intolerance of our self is not the natural way to go.  So ten times, we have to tap our chest and, say, this is the real me and I can’t stand it. 

After recognition comes regret. Things get really spooky here. To the extent that we regret what we have done is to the extent that we catapult backwards in time and turn an indecent action into a source of inspiration and dedication, and that is a miracle.  In nature, if you break a bone, it may heal but it will never be the same again.  In the realm of the metaphysical, we can travel back in time and things not only heal, but become a fountain of strength.  Why? We appreciate how far we were from the ideal, and yet, we were not abandoned.  That gives us energy to move forward with more confidence than before.[2]  This is the goal of Yom Kippur.  It is a time to get intolerant of our self and then feel a deep regret as we realize what could have been. With that, we turn previous iniquity into fuel for a brighter future. 

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[1] Insight from Rabbi Berkowitz

[2] Rav Dessler Mictav M’Eliyahu Part II page 80

The best sport

There was little that could get me to synagogue as a kid.  The stagnant prayer in a foreign language and their unending length had little attraction for me.  My sampling was when it was longest, on the High Holidays, so it really didn’t give a good impression.  I’d take frequent breaks in the hallways with equally apathetic preteens and we’d wander around the hallways or venture outside to the park.  There was one thing we were interested in, one thing we didn’t want to miss- the sounding of the shofar.  A few minutes before, word would quickly spread through the hallway that the man with the beard and shiny head had taken out the curved three foot horn and was about to blow it.  Granted, there were speakers in the hallway, which for a Rabbi sermon was good enough, but not for a shofar.  So we raced back in before they’d seal the doors (once the blowing actually started no one was allowed in or out).  And we were not only there to time how long the tekia gedola would be and to witness the shofar blower with the shiny head turn red as a tomato.  We wanted to hear the shofar because even as an immature pre-teen, the shofar was the one thing I could relate to.  Why?

Human beings gravitate to be part of something bigger.  That, I believe, is the foundation for the sports fan, the music fan, and fan of causes.  Whilst in a stadium we experience something beyond our self and become part of a greater unity, part of a team and part of an audience.  Complete strangers are temporarily united under a superficial banner, and despite the absurdity of grown men doing arbitrary actions with a ball, we can’t get enough of it.  We are so invested, that despite the arbitrary rules made up by arbitrary people, these teams can affect our emotions whether they win or lose.  But that is a small price to pay in order to take part, albeit passively, of something greater. 

 I think this same attraction is part of what keep the shofar relevant.  It begins with unity, a smooth blow that rings- tekiya.  Then, a second blow breaks it up into a series of shorts pieces and then a third blow reunites them again at the end. We do this process of putting pieces back together into unities over thirty times on Rosh Hashanah.  The shofar is the message that the goal of life is to take fragments and unite them (including ourselves), and therefore, become part of something bigger   We are made for that. It is one of the most intuitive things that mankind does time and again, if sports is any indication. We relish the chance to make things unite. The problem is that we sell our self short. Sports are a great start, but we could do better.  Rosh Hashanah is when we recognize that there is One unity that is infinitely better than every other, and to unite with that is our ultimate goal.